You can’t reason or argue with a narcissist. You have lost as soon as you open your mouth. This is the realisation that I have discovered while I was lying in bed last night. I had a million thoughts crashing through my head last night, so many thoughts that I couldn’t think anymore. This morning I have woken up calm and resigned to the situation.
Narcissists make you feel like you have something wrong with you. They have a way of getting in to your brain and making you feel like you are mad and crazy. Well you aren’t it’s them. Ignore this and look at the situation rationally. They are very clever.
Narcissists make you feel like every argument is your fault and that you caused the situation. They are so convincing that you really make you believe them. You replay every argument in your head and you start to see things differently. Don’t listen as it isn’t you it’s them, They are very good at manipulating situations. Please again look at things rationally. Replay the situation in your head. I am a solicitor, not a family solicitor but when I was training at university we had a test called the reasonability test. This doesn’t relate to family law, but law in general. The test is “would a reasonable man believe the situation to be true”. A lot of law is based around this, I think you need to take yourself out of the situation and apply the reasonable man test. By applying this test you will see that you didn’t start the argument or create the situation, When I was with my ex partner. When he used to hit me he always used to blame me for provoking him. I usually ended up believing that it was my fault even though rationally, now I know that it isn’t true
Narcissists use their power to destroy you and destroy your self esteem. They put you down and jump on your insecurities to make you feel an inferior type of person. They often have low self esteem themselves and they seem to enjoy to destroy someone else. It gives them a sense of power. If you look at it from the outside it’s them who is sad that they need to do this to someone else to feel better. What type of person enjoys destroying someone else? The answer to this is a narcissist.
The sad thing about this blog is that it’s my Daughter has turned into a narcissist. If briefly touched on this yesterday in my diary post, I also know that I have got to the situation where I can’t do anything to change how my daughter thinks. I have thought a lot about this in the past but yesterday really confirmed this. The words that came out of her mouth were typical of a narcissist. She said –
“I hate you, no one likes you. Not even your friends”.
“You will end up alone, you Son will leave you too as you are a horrible person”.
“You are an embarrassment a complete mess”.
There were many more things she said but these 3 phrases made me feel rock bottom last night. She jumped on my insecurities and made me feel like nothing, I infact felt a fat terrible mess that I was worthless and alone. My boyfriend said to me that night “I love you”. I said “ why on earth would you love me? What the hell have I got to offer anyone”.
This morning I have woken up and realised I was not at fault. I have always done my best for my family and my daughter and no matter what I do it will never be enough. If I devoted my entire life to her, she would still want more. She is a narcissist like her father and by her now living with him I have lost my beautiful daughter.
I left her Dad 14 years ago because I couldn’t put up with his narcissistic behaviour. Unfortunately she has learnt this behaviour from him. I feel guilt for this but ultimately it isn’t down to me. I have tried my best to bring her up in a loving way and to be sensitive. This is classed as weakness. When she went yesterday she said “I can’t believe you cried when I went back to my Dads last time. That is just pathetic”. In reality it was cause I loved her and missed her, not pathetic.
So from now on I won’t explain myself to her. I won’t justify why I do things. I will just get on with life. There will be no more arguments or tears. It’s very sad but I need to do this for my sanity, if she decides that she wants a relationship I will let her in but be very cautious as narcissists are very clever. I hope she is just being a teenager and will grow out of it but only time will tell