i am going to change my daily diary a bit. I am back at work and life seems to have settled a bit for me. I hope I haven’t given it the kiss of death now. While I am still going to give you an insight to my crazy life. I am going to update you on Lily’s pregnancy and the puppies providing all goes well.
Work has been good. I really feel glad to be back and I am enjoying the routine. While I was off I dished out my work to other fee earners. Most people have generally looked after my work well. A particular girl as our other office has done bugger all. My files have hardly been touched in 10 weeks and the client are going mad. She also had the cheek to ring me at 8.45 on day I came back to ask when I was going over to the other office to collect them. I was fuming as I can’t lift and said I would need help putting the files in and out of my car. I have really helped this girl in the past and when she was on holiday I went over to her office and really cleared all her work. I know now in the future not to help her again. Some people don’t deserve it.
I have been struggling at work pain wise. By dinner time my back and leg is killing me. Luckily I am doing a phased return so I am only working a few hours in the morning for a few weeks. Hopefully it will give me time to recover properly. I have had to take yo my bed in the afternoon. This will help if the puppies come in the next few weeks.
Going back to Lily. She is not between 7 and 7.5 weeks pregnant. Dogs are only pregnant for 9 weeks so we need to get everything ready for her. My Dad is a joiner and I am going to ask him to maybe make a bed for her and her puppies.
She seems to be doing quite a bit of sleeping and her tummy is really swelling. She also has terrible wind. I think it’s lily, although it maybe my boyfriend pretending that it’s her.
We have looked on Line and she could have her puppies when she is 56 days pregnant onwards. So in theory she could have her puppies as early as next Wednesday. Then the hard work will start. It’s pretty exciting through. I have obtained the picture and write up about what to expect from a dog who is 7weeks pregnant from the Royal Cain website.
I mentioned before that when my cupboards are full of food I hate people eating it. I drive my son and boyfriend mad. Today my boyfriend is driving me mad as he is eating it like there is no tomorrow. I shop again in 2 weeks so when it’s gone it’s gone. They will have to starve. I think I get mad cause I do the shopping and have to make the shopping last. Today we had steak for tea. A money saving tip is we got the fillet steak from Aldi and it was really good and under £6.00per steak. We usually pay at least £8 and you couldn’t really tell the difference.
Good night speak soon xxxxx
It’s been a busy day today. I went back to work. I was dreading it but it couldn’t have gone any better. Everyone was really pleased to see me back. No one had an issue with me being off and even the bitchiest woman there even seemed pleased to see me. I also got a hug off two people. All the worrying that I have done over the months have been for nothing. Overthinking and worrying waste energy and make you feel terrible. In future I am not going to overthink and worry so much. If you believe that you believe anything.
My back doesn’t feel great tonight. I could hardly move my leg, which is worrying. I will just have to grin and bare it until I see the specialist next week. I can then speak to him and see if this is normal and exactly what they did in the operation. I am concerned that the operation hasn’t worked. I don’t want to go through this again.
Tonight we have cleared out our junk room and made it into a puppy nursery. We need to get a new bed for lily and and a baby gate at the door so we can split lily and Bailey up if need be. Bailey has been a little monkey tonight. We have a cat door stop and he has chewed the ear off and keeps running off with it. I have ordered a Puggle one off amazon and will take a photo of it when it comes it’s so cute. The dogs are tired out now. Saying that so am I so I am off to bed.
I am back at work today ekkkkkkkk. I have had a restless night and I am really dreading it. My over thinking mind has been working overtime. It is quite a bitchy place that I work at. I am not going to worry if people like me and if others are funny. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have had a major operation and I am doing th best I can. If others don’t like it it’s tough. That’s the plan anyway. Deep down I am very worried. I need to stop it now !!!!!
I am back at work tomorrow ekkkkk. I think I have now resigned myself to this. There is going to be no big lottery win. I have to now jump back on the tread wheel with the masses. My work is very stressful but there is more to life than work. Being off so long has made me realise that the most important thing in my life is my family and spending time with them. I am very fortunate for what I have. I work to live I don’t live to work.
I have so much to look forward to including the birth of the puppies. I am also hopeful,that I will build up my relationship with my daughter. I don’t think we will do just use, but I think over time there is a possibility. I actually feel very positive about the future, I have a lovely boyfriend who cares very deeply about me and I believe we have a great future together.
I need to get a routine back into my life and I hope the operation has worked. I am not entirely sure as I still have a lot of pain in my right side. If it hasn’t I will deal with it. I was deeply affected by narcissistic abuse and I now have a great life and I will not let it affect m anymore, I am very positive about the future.
I will tell you ho the first day goes tomorrow. I hope my positive attitude continues.
Until tomorrow I will chill with my dogs
I have felt really anxious today and can’t put my finger on it. There are a number of reasons. The first one is I have had work ringing me asking me about some files of mine. Nothing to worry about and also an Estate Agent wanting to know when I am back at work. It’s becoming too real now. I have over 2 weeks left and I can’t worry till I go back. I need to try and put it at the back of my mind.
Secondly, my daughter is coming to stay for a few nights. I am worried she will come back with a cocky attitude and we will go back to square one. I am worried that we will argue and it will put strain on my boyfriend and son. As things have been good and we can’t go back to how things have been with my daughter. P
Been out in the car today. Not gone too far but it’s been ok. So that’s moving forward too.
last night made me laugh I shouted him into my room before bed I said “good night I hope you sleep ok and I love you”. He said “oh my god what the hell did you say that for”. My little boy has definitely grown up. He doesn’t like pleasantries anymore.
Its a short one tonight as I am tired and need to go to sleep. Good night speak tomorrow xxxx
I felt a bit off today I don’t know why. I hardly slept last night I was awake until after 5. I went downstairs as I didn’t want to keep my boyfriend awake. Then was up at just after 8 so I am knackered.
It’s been a bit of a blurry day, This afternoon my son came home so it was nice spending a bit of time with him. He is colourblind. He struggles with the reds and greens. We were talking about his work experience and he said he wanted to do an apprenticeship as an electrician. I said can you being colourblind. Because what if you wire up the wrong colour of wire? He said he isn’t colourblind. So we did a test and guess who was right? Me .
I have spoken to my daughter by text a few times today. I don’t thunk things are as rosy at her dads as they were I will let her get on with it and be there if she needs me.
We watched Red Sparrow tonight, I am rubbish at understanding films. I always have to have them explained to me. It was a difficult one for me. I always hate it when it leaves unanswered questions. Maybe that’s cause of my overthinking as Iike to have an ending to a film. I prefer simple fims that don’t need a lot of thinking about. This is because I think too much about the film. Maybe that’s why I read a newspaper that is easy to read, not too much news and lots of celebrity and entertainment gossip. I do struggle to keep my attention focused on anything too difficult. I have a profession where I have had to study a lot and must have been able to concentrate at some stage, many that’s why I like simple things these days. I am a solicitor but am hoping to win the lottery in the next few weeks so I don’t have to go back to work.
Good night xxxxx