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An over thinkers guide to life, Puggles, family and so much more

Overthinking is a nightmare. Due to a back operation I have too much time on my hands and too much time to think. This is how I deal with it and survive

Tag: overthinking (Page 1 of 11)

Let me check my givashitometer

Daily dairy – tell me why I don’t like mondays

Hello

I didn’t do much this weekend.  It flew though it’s soon Monday.  I am still doing half days and I am glad at the moment.

Just had a load of abuse from my daughter and ex. She wants money from me again and I said no and got a load of abuse. When will I learn that neither of them will ever change and I am now in tears again,  how the hell have I raised such a nasty spoilt person? Why do I let them both do this to me? Then let them blame everything on me and make me feel like I am the worst person in the world. He tells me that his life has changed dramatically since he has had his daughter.  That I have dumped her on him.  I have abandoned her.

I really couldn’t take any more.  Why do I have to put up with all this abuse ? My son doesn’t behave this way.  He is her Dad why should I have her ? I have put my life on hold for 16 years and because I love her. I still do very very much but I have more respect in myself than be treated like this.  I have done it for years.  Been verbally, mentally abused.  Told how rubbish I am at everything,  Am I a bad person because I have decided enough is enough?

I am a good mum.  I care very much and love very deeply.  I am a good person and always try to help and be as kind as I can to everyone,  I have my faults but I am not the person that they both say I am.  They have the problem not me,

Sorry  for my rambling but I am very hurt yet again.  I am not sending any more messages or contacting them again,

Communication is important

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lack of communication is a problem. We just assume how the other person thinks. Usually we assume wrongly. As I am an over thinker all types of scenarios run through my head and I worry and usually get myself into a real state. If I have a problem. I usually speak to the person in particular, whether it’s work, or home. I feel it’s better to have that conversation no matter how difficult it maybe.

 

Daily diary- 7 and a half weeks pregnant

7BB0FC5D-35EA-447B-B03A-815B0FE309FAHello

i am going to change my daily diary a bit. I am back at work and life seems to have settled a bit for me. I hope I haven’t given it the kiss of death now. While I am still going to give you an insight  to my crazy life. I am going to update you on Lily’s pregnancy and the puppies providing all goes well.

Work has been good. I really feel glad to be back and I am enjoying the routine. While I was off I dished out my work to other fee earners. Most people have generally looked after my work well. A particular girl as our other office has done bugger all. My files have hardly been touched in 10 weeks and the client are going mad. She also had the cheek to ring me at 8.45 on day I came back to ask when I was going over to the other office to collect them. I was fuming as I can’t lift and said I would need help putting the files in and out of my car. I have really helped this girl in the past and when she was on holiday I went over to her office and really cleared all her work. I know now in the future not to help her again. Some people don’t deserve it.

I have been struggling at work pain wise. By dinner time my back and leg is killing me. Luckily I am doing a phased return so I am only working a few hours in the morning for a few weeks. Hopefully it will give me time to recover properly. I have had to take yo my bed in the afternoon.  This will help if the puppies come in the next few weeks.

Going back to Lily. She is not between 7 and 7.5 weeks pregnant. Dogs are only pregnant for 9 weeks so we need to get everything ready for her. My Dad is a joiner and I am going to ask him to maybe  make a bed for her and her puppies.

She seems to be doing quite a bit of sleeping and her tummy is really swelling. She also has terrible wind. I think it’s lily, although it maybe my boyfriend pretending that it’s her.

We have looked on Line and she could have her puppies when she is 56 days pregnant onwards. So in theory she could have her puppies as early as next Wednesday. Then the hard work will start. It’s pretty exciting through.  I have obtained the picture and write up about what to expect from a dog who is 7weeks pregnant from the Royal Cain website.

I mentioned before that when my cupboards are full of food I hate people eating it.  I drive my son and boyfriend mad.  Today my boyfriend is driving me mad as he is eating it like there is no tomorrow.  I shop again in 2 weeks so when it’s gone it’s gone.  They will have to starve.  I think I get mad cause I do the shopping and have to make the shopping last.  Today we had steak for tea.  A money saving tip is we got the fillet steak from Aldi and it was really good and under £6.00per steak.  We usually pay at least £8 and you couldn’t really tell the difference.

Good night speak soon xxxxx

You can still be a kind person

This is true. I always felt compelled to say yes to both my children, friends and boyfriends. I was too bothered about upsetting them and letting them down. I think that is part of the reason me and my daughter fell out because I started to say no. I couldn’t afford to say yes anymore.

It doesn’t make me a bad person. By saying no it has made me much happier and stopped me worrying as much and overthinking as much.

Pain changes people

This is correct. I have been in pain with my back for years. It made me feel a weak person and made me overthink situations as I was worried that my boyfriend will decide he wants to be with someone who is fitter and able to do more things.

I thought I would be pain free after my operation. I am disapointed as I am still in pain in my right side but my left side is pain free. I hope it’s just part of the healing process. I am seeing the specialise next week so fingers crossed.

This could also mean that the pain suffered at the hands of another can make you mistrust and over think. I think ilmy problem is that I am an overthinker -I overthink every situation too. Sometimes it gets out of hand and it makes me think irrationally. I have to rein myself it sometimes and give myself a real talking to.

What overthinking looks like

It’s time to just be happy

Daily diary- we have made a nursery

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Hello

It’s been a busy day today. I went back to work. I was dreading it but it couldn’t have gone any better. Everyone was really pleased to see me back. No one had an issue with me being off and even the bitchiest woman there even seemed pleased to see me. I also got a hug off two people. All the worrying that I have done over the months have been for nothing. Overthinking and worrying waste energy and make you feel terrible. In future I am not going to overthink and worry so much. If you believe that you believe anything.

My back doesn’t feel great tonight. I could hardly move my leg, which is worrying. I will just have to grin and bare it until I see the specialist next week. I can then speak to him and see if this is normal and exactly what they did in the operation. I am concerned that the operation hasn’t worked. I don’t want to go through this again.

Tonight we have cleared out our junk room and made it into a puppy nursery. We need to get a new bed for lily and and a baby gate at the door so we can split lily and Bailey up if need be. Bailey has been a little monkey tonight. We have a cat door stop and he has chewed the ear off and keeps running off with it. I have ordered a Puggle one off amazon and will take a photo of it when it comes it’s so cute. The dogs are tired out now. Saying that so am I so I am off to bed.

Good night.



Being alone isn’t scary

I had a narcissist boyfriend he made my life a misery. I was on edge and I felt low as he put me down constantly. I put up with it for 13 years. Along with his violent behaviour.  He was cruel mentally and physically. I decided enough was enough when I found out that he was cheating on me. As if he hasn’t put me through enough.

He had made me feel so small that I was scared to be alone and thought I would be for the rest of my life. I turned out to be the best thing I ever did.  I was very lonely in our relationship and had never been so alone in my life. I left my ex and while it was strange at first but it was very empowering and the experiences that I had suffered in the long run has made me a much stronger and wiser person. The relationship damaged me in many ways. I don’t think I will ever be the same person as I was before. I don’t trust people and I am very paranoid. This has affected my relationships and I still suffer from this now. It’s only down to my boyfriend now that he doesn’t let this affect us.

Bad relationships are very damaging and my advise to anyone in this type of relationship is to get out while you can. Narcissists never change and staying will make you miserable. You only live once.



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