content="hM8ExV3vwnMbq8WOYtnPVhVotRR3rlHykM747QLefl0" />

An over thinkers guide to life, Puggles, family and so much more

Overthinking is a nightmare. Due to a back operation I have too much time on my hands and too much time to think. This is how I deal with it and survive

Tag: narcissist (Page 1 of 2)

No more shit today please

I have been very quiet on here lately, but it’s not been quiet at home. My daughter came back a month ago.  After a fall out it’s her dad. She accused him of hitting her and I don’t doubt her one bit.  That’s what he does.  She was lovely for a while but the old traits have started to return.  I have also been having a battle with him about money.  He won’t give me any.  So been struggling this month.

It all come to a head on Thursday my daughter and her brother ended up fighting.  She had been particularly nasty and doesn’t have any qualms about calling me a fat bitch or a slag.  My son was sticking up for me which he does.  Anyway she ended up kicking me across the room.  I asked her dad to pick her up and he refused and he told me to call the police which I did.  The police man spoke to her and she was crying.  I told him I didn’t want to press charges and hoped the taking too had made her realise she can’t behave like that.  I know she has learnt her abusive behaviour from her dad, but she is 16  and it isn’t an excuse.  After then police man had gone she apologised, but didn’t mean it and carried on being the same.

Friday she was ok, she cleaned up and I thought maybe she it had sunk in,  yesterday she woke up in a bad mood.  Her dad had lied to her and said he didn’t tell he me to call the police.  It was a down right lie and some how she has believed it.  It frustrates me that no matter what happens her Dad is wonderful in her eyes and can’t do wrong.  He may hit her but she forgets it.  He is a horrible person and in a way I can understand this.  I lived with years of  abuse and he convinced me it was me who was wrong not him.  He messed with my mind and by the end of our relationship I didn’t know what what’s going on.  I needed years of therapy to live a normal life.  I have tried to help her.  Take her to the doctor but she says that there is nothing wrong with her.  I think she has learned his narcissistic ways and uses them on me. As that’s what he does.  It’s so sad but I am at a loss what to do.

She was plain nasty yesterday she got into another fight with her brother and because I didn’t stick up for her she called me a fat bitch and a slag.  I told her to go to her Dads and move off the settee she wouldn’t listen.  So we went out to a friends.  I decided I wouldn’t speak to her when I got back as I am sick of the abuse.  She tried to act like nothing had happened, but the name calling and abuse is too much to put up with.  She had fallen out with her dad too but by the end of it she told him what he wanted to hear and he transferred some money into her account. She told him she will live half and half at our houses.  So he doesn’t need to pay me anything.   I saw the text and I am furious as she knows how I struggle.  They are both stupid as my son lives with me and he is supposed to pay for him !!! I will save that battle for another day.  I am tired and sick of it all.

Today I am taking no shit off anyone.

Just walk away

I needed to see this quote today as this is just what I am doing. You can’t win an argument with a narcissist as they don’t feel empathy. There is no reasoning. They don’t care what horrendous words they have said and how it has deeply hurt you. They don’t realise the great job you have done raising their children, while they are frankly useless. They big themselves up and truly believe their own lies. They also make their children believe them too. You are always the weak person the underdog.

Walk away leave them to their own lies. They aren’t worth another moment of your energy and time. You will be much happier. You know the truth and don’t need the negativity anymore. Until you do that you will never be happy.

Toxic attraction

A narcissist paints a picture of them being a victim

I hope people will eventually see the truth

I don’t know if I entirely agree with this.

I don’t know if I entirely agree with this. My ex always falls in a pile of shit and comes up smelling of roses. It maybe he just puts on a narcissistic front. I don’t want revenge as anger can eat you up. I just would like my daughter to realise what an idiot he is.

What the hell is wrong with me

My life goes from one crisis to another. I never have a few weeks when everything is fine. Something always comes along with more shit. I know people have a lot worse and I should be grateful for what I have. I am but I still get down with circumstances in my life.

I have massive trust issues and this has been caused by past experiences and a narcissist ex partner. He has always make me feel that I am not good enough. Even after all these years I still feel not good enough in anything I do and it really gets me down. “I am not a good enough mum”. “I am not a good enough solicitor”. “I am not a good enough girlfriend”.

Something has happened this morning that has spoilt my trust in my boyfriend. It’s not a massive affair but unacceptable behaviour when you are in a relationship. I am not going to say anymore about what has happened.  I am not going to end it all and throw him out. But I wonder if I can ever trust him again. I know I bleat on about him saying he is wonderful but maybe I am being naive are all men the same?????

I feel that everything that he has said to me over the years are a lie. To a person who hasn’t been lied to so many times over the years or made to feel nothing maybe the explanation is good enough. But to me it’s a massive issue.

Anyone who has been in a narcissistic relationship you learn to build massive walls around you in future relationships and it takes a long time to break down the walls. If anything happens to break the trust no matter how small it is the walls go back up.

Can you ever trust again? Or are you so damaged that you are better on your own. I will be fine and it’s just another obstacle in my life but it has damaged my trust. To me trust is everything.

Only time will tell whether I can get over this and trust him again. Until then my head is full of worry and overthinking.

When a narcissist says I love you

I obtained this from the website https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2016/03/what-it-means-when-a-narcissist-says-i-love-you.

 

Dear Codependent Partner,

What I’m about to say is not something I’d ever say or admit (to you), because to do so would end the winner-takes-all-game that is my main source of pleasure in life — one that effectively keeps you carrying my load in our relationship.

And that’s the whole point.

When I say “I love you” I mean that I love how hard you work to make me feel like your everything, that I am the focus of your life, that you want me to be happy, and that I’ll never be expected to do the same.

I love the power I have to take advantage of your kindness and intentions to be nice, and the pleasure I derive when I make myself feel huge in comparison to you, taking every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant. (I feel huge in comparison because, to me, these “desires” are evidence you’re weak, feeble in mind and inferior, and deserve to be treated accordingly!)

I love the feeling it gives me thinking of you as weak, vulnerable, emotionally crazy, and my biggest source of pleasure is having you to look down on with scorn … because, in my view, your childlike desires, innocence and gullibility is what proves your weakness and inferiority.

I love the way I feel knowing that, through the use of gaslighting, and other mind-game tactics, what you want to discuss or address will never happen, and I love this “power” to train you to feel “crazy” for even asking or bringing up issues that don’t interest me, effectively, ever lowering your expectations of me and what I’m capable of giving you, while I up mine of you.

I love how easy it is to keep your sole focus on alleviating my pain (never yours!), and that, regardless what you do, you’ll never make me feel good enough, loved enough, respected enough, appreciated enough, and so on. (Misery loves company.)

(It’s not about the closeness, empathy, emotional connection you want, or what I did that hurt or embarrassed you, or how little time I spend engaged with you or the children, and so on. It’s about my status and doing my job to keep you in your place, in pain, focused on feeling my pain, blocking you from feeling valued in relation to me. I’m superior and entitled to all the pleasure, admiration, and comforting between us, remember?)

“I love you” means I love the way I feel when you are with me, more specifically, regarding you as a piece of property I own, my possession. Like driving a hot car, I love the extent to which you enhance my status in the eyes of others, letting them know that I’m top dog, and so on. I love thinking others are jealous of my possessions.

I love the power I have to keep you working hard to prove your love and devotion, wondering what else you need to do to “prove” your loyalty.

“I love you” means I love the way I feel when I’m with you. Due to how often I hate and look down on others in general, the mirror neurons in my brain keep me constantly experiencing feelings of self-loathing; thus, I love that I can love myself through you, and also love hating you for my “neediness” of having to rely on you or anyone for anything.

I love that you are there to blame whenever I feel this “neediness”; feeling scorn for you seems to protect me from something I hate to admit, that I feel totally dependent on you to “feed” my sense of superiority and entitlement, and to keep my illusion of power alive in my mind.

(Nothing makes me feel more fragile and vulnerable than not having control over something that would tarnish my image and superior status, such as when you question “how” I treat you, as if you still don’t understand that getting you to accept yourself as an object for my pleasure, happy regardless of how I treat you, or the children  — is key proof of my superiority, to the world. You’re my possession, remember? It’s my job to teach you to hate and act calloused toward those “crazy” things that only “weak” people need, such as “closeness” and “emotional stuff;” and by the way, I know this “works” because my childhood taught me to do this to myself inside.)

It makes me light up with pleasure (more proof of my superiority) that I can easily get you flustered, make you act “crazy” over not getting what you want from me, make you repeat yourself, and say and do things that you’ll later hate yourself for (because of your “niceness”!). Everything you say, any hurts or complaints you share, you can be sure, I’ll taunt you with later, to keep you ever-spinning your wheels, ever trying to explain yourself, ever doubting yourself and confused, trying to figure out why I don’t “get” it.

(There’s nothing to get! To break the code, you’d have to look through my lens, not yours! It’s my job to show complete disinterest in your emotional needs, hurts, wants, and to train, dismiss and punish accordingly, until you learn your “lesson,” that is: To take your place as a voiceless object, a possession has no desire except to serve my pleasure and comfort, and never an opinion on how it’s treated!)

(That you can’t figure this out, after all the ways I’ve mistreated you, to me, is proof of my genetic superiority. In my playbook, those with superior genes are never kind, except to lure and snare their victims!)

I love that I can make you feel insecure at the drop of a hat, especially by giving attention to other women (perhaps also others in general, friends, family members, children, etc., the list is endless). What power this gives me to put on public displays of what you don’t get from me, to taunt and make you beg for what I easily give to others, wondering why it’s so easy to give what you want to others, to express feelings or affection, to give compliments, that is, when it serves my pleasure (in this case, to watch you squirm).

I love the power I have to get you back whenever you threaten to leave, by throwing a few crumbs your way, and watching how quickly I can talk you into trusting me when I turn on the charm, deceiving you into thinking, this time, I’ll change.

“I love you” means I need you because, due to the self-loathing I carry inside, I need someone who won’t abandon me that I can use as a punching bag, to make myself feel good by making them feel bad about themselves. (This is how I pleasure myself, and the way I numb, deny the scary feelings I carry inside that I hope to never admit, ever. I hate any signs of weakness in me, which is why I hate you, and all the “nice” weaklings I view as inferior, stupid, feeble, and so on.)

“I love you” means that I love fixing and shaping your thoughts and beliefs, being in control of your mind, so that you think of me as your miracle and savior, a source of life and sustenance you depend on, and bouncing back to, like gravity, no matter how high you try to fly away or jump.

I love that this makes me feel like a god, to keep you so focused (obsessed…) with making me feel worshiped and adored, sacrificing everything for me to prove yourself so that I don’t condemn or disapprove of you, seeking to please none other, and inherently, with sole rights to administer rewards and punishments as I please.

I love how I can use my power to keep you down, doubting and second-guessing yourself, questioning your sanity, obsessed with explaining yourself to me (and others), professing your loyalty, wondering what’s wrong with you (instead of realizing that … you cannot make someone “happy” who derives their sense of power and pleasure from feeling scorn for the weaklings who let me take advantage of them … like you!).

“I love you” means I love the way I feel when I see myself through your admiring eyes, that you’re my feel-good drug, my dedicated audience, my biggest fan and admirer, and so on. Training you to look up to me, never question me, and bow down with pleasure to serve me as your never-erring, omniscient, omnipotent source of knowledge is my end-goal — my drug of choice.

(You may have noticed how touchy I am at any sign that you would question me; I hate how fragile I feel in such moments,  worried that failing to train you in silent submission could tarnish my image in the world, something I care about more than anything else, even life itself!)

And I love that, no matter how hard you beg and plead for my love and admiration, to feel valued in return, it won’t happen, as long as I’m in control. Why would I let it, when I’m hooked on deriving pleasure from depriving you of anything that would make you feel worthwhile, be wind beneath your wings, risking you’d fly away from me? Besides, it gives me great pleasure to not give you what you yearn for, the tenderness you need and want, and to burst your every dream and bubble, then telling myself, “I’m no fool.”

I love that I can control your attempts to get “through” to me, by controlling your mind, in particular, by shifting the focus of any “discussion” onto what is wrong with you, your failure to appreciate and make me feel loved, good enough, etc. — and of course, reminding you of all I’ve done for you, and how ungrateful you are.

I love how skillfully I manipulate others’ opinions of you as well, getting them to side with me as the “good” guy, and side against you as the “bad” guy, portraying you as incapable of making me happy or manly — or as needy, never satisfied, always complaining, selfish and controlling, and the like.

I love how easy it is for me to say “No!” to what may give you credit, or increase your sense of value and significance in relation to me, with endless excuses; and that instead, I return your focus to my unfulfilled needs and wants, my discomforts or pain.

I love feeling that I own your thoughts, your ambitions, and ensuring the only wants and needs you focus on are ones that serve my pleasure and comfort.

I love being a drug of choice you “have to” have, regardless of how I mistreat you, despite all the signs that your addiction to me is draining the energy from your life, and that you are at risk of losing more and more of what you most value and hold dear, to include those you move love and love and support you in return.

I love that I can isolate you from others who may nourish you, and break the spell of thinking they ever loved you; I love making you mistrust them, so that you conclude no one else really wants to put up with you, but me.

I love that I can make you feel I’m doing you a favor by being with you and throwing a few crumbs your way. Like a vacuum, the emptiness inside me is in constant need of sucking the life and breath and vitality you, and your determination to be kind, brings to my life, which I crave like a drug that can never satisfy, that I fight to hoard, and hate the thought of sharing.

While I hate you and my addiction to your caring attention, my neediness keeps me craving to see myself through your caring eyes, ever ready to admire, adore, forgive, make excuses for me, and fall for my lies and traps. (I could never appreciate or value you for this, how could I? I hate myself for needing these caring, yet unmanly gestures, which disgust me.)

I love that you keep telling me how much I hurt you, not knowing that, to me, this is like a free marketing report. It lets me know how effective my tactics have been to keep you in pain, focused on alleviating my pain — so that I am ever the winner in this competition — ensuring that you never weaken (control) me with your love- and emotional-closeness stuff.

In short, when I say “I love you,” I love the power I have to remain a mystery that you’ll never solve because of what you do not know (and refuse to believe), that: the only one who can win this zero-sum-winner-takes-all game is the one who knows “the rules.” My sense of power rests on ensuring you never succeed at persuading me to join you in creating a mutually-kind relationship because, in my worldview, being vulnerable, emotionally expressive, kind, caring, empathetic, innocent are signs of weakness, proof of inferiority.

Thanks, but no thanks, I’m resolved to stay on my winner-takes-all ground, ever in competition for the prize, seeing you as my fiercest competitor, gloating in my narcissistic ability to be heartless, callous, cold, calculating … and proud, to ensure my neediness for a sense of superiority isn’t hampered.

Forever love-limiting,

Your narcissist

PS: I really, really need help — but you CANNOT do this work for me (not without making things worse for both of us!).  Remember, we’re co-addicted to each other, so we’d never go to an addict to get help, right?

Only a therapist, with experience in this, stands a chance, and even then, only if I choose to really, really, really let him/her! (That’s because I’d have to face my greatest fear that, not only am I not superior to those I regard as inferior, and thus not entitled to make and break rules as I please, but I’d also have to own — that my own actions, thoughts and beliefs about myself and others — are THE main cause of the suffering in my life … and changing them, THE solution. I could not would not ever want to do this for the sole reason that, from my worldview, only the feeble-minded and weak do such things! Death is better, than losing.)

11?sins narcissists try to manipulate you

Narcissist- a evil manipulative asshole with no soul

 

I couldn’t agree more. It’s the perfect description. Spot on

Page 1 of 2

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén

%d bloggers like this: