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An over thinkers guide to life, Puggles, family and so much more

Overthinking is a nightmare. Due to a back operation I have too much time on my hands and too much time to think. This is how I deal with it and survive

Tag: family (Page 1 of 8)

Daily diary – the puppies arrival is imminent


There is great excitement in our house. We think the puppies will be here any day. Lily has milk so that is a sign she will be a new mum soon. It’s a nerve racking time. My partner is really stressed with it. I think he is reading up on it too much. He has bought a heat mat today and said that the nursery ( as he calls it) needs to be a 30 degrees. I even caught him putting the heater on yesterday. God knows why. I am not heating the room to 30 degrees when there are no puppies.

He was even up at 6.30 this morning stressing and I have a feeling he will want to sleep down there tonight. I am more calm about this. Maybe it’s cause I am a mum or the fact my cat has kittens a few years ago while I was out. Now that was stressful as I came home to a kitten on my daughters floor with no sign of the cat. I wrapped it in a towel and eventually found the cat in my sons wardorbe with 6 more kittens,

I will update you daily on the puppy situation and fingers crossed we have some good news soon.

I am still working half days which is good and seeing my consultant on Thursday. I have been in agony since yesterday after I picked 4 files up off the floor stupidly. So going for a lie down. I have now found a new old love for Cagney and Lacey, I used to watch it as a teenager and there are re runs at 2.15 on channel 5.

Speak to you soon.

Daily dairy – tell me why I don’t like mondays


I didn’t do much this weekend.  It flew though it’s soon Monday.  I am still doing half days and I am glad at the moment.

Just had a load of abuse from my daughter and ex. She wants money from me again and I said no and got a load of abuse. When will I learn that neither of them will ever change and I am now in tears again,  how the hell have I raised such a nasty spoilt person? Why do I let them both do this to me? Then let them blame everything on me and make me feel like I am the worst person in the world. He tells me that his life has changed dramatically since he has had his daughter.  That I have dumped her on him.  I have abandoned her.

I really couldn’t take any more.  Why do I have to put up with all this abuse ? My son doesn’t behave this way.  He is her Dad why should I have her ? I have put my life on hold for 16 years and because I love her. I still do very very much but I have more respect in myself than be treated like this.  I have done it for years.  Been verbally, mentally abused.  Told how rubbish I am at everything,  Am I a bad person because I have decided enough is enough?

I am a good mum.  I care very much and love very deeply.  I am a good person and always try to help and be as kind as I can to everyone,  I have my faults but I am not the person that they both say I am.  They have the problem not me,

Sorry  for my rambling but I am very hurt yet again.  I am not sending any more messages or contacting them again,

Daily diary- 7 and a half weeks pregnant


i am going to change my daily diary a bit. I am back at work and life seems to have settled a bit for me. I hope I haven’t given it the kiss of death now. While I am still going to give you an insight  to my crazy life. I am going to update you on Lily’s pregnancy and the puppies providing all goes well.

Work has been good. I really feel glad to be back and I am enjoying the routine. While I was off I dished out my work to other fee earners. Most people have generally looked after my work well. A particular girl as our other office has done bugger all. My files have hardly been touched in 10 weeks and the client are going mad. She also had the cheek to ring me at 8.45 on day I came back to ask when I was going over to the other office to collect them. I was fuming as I can’t lift and said I would need help putting the files in and out of my car. I have really helped this girl in the past and when she was on holiday I went over to her office and really cleared all her work. I know now in the future not to help her again. Some people don’t deserve it.

I have been struggling at work pain wise. By dinner time my back and leg is killing me. Luckily I am doing a phased return so I am only working a few hours in the morning for a few weeks. Hopefully it will give me time to recover properly. I have had to take yo my bed in the afternoon.  This will help if the puppies come in the next few weeks.

Going back to Lily. She is not between 7 and 7.5 weeks pregnant. Dogs are only pregnant for 9 weeks so we need to get everything ready for her. My Dad is a joiner and I am going to ask him to maybe  make a bed for her and her puppies.

She seems to be doing quite a bit of sleeping and her tummy is really swelling. She also has terrible wind. I think it’s lily, although it maybe my boyfriend pretending that it’s her.

We have looked on Line and she could have her puppies when she is 56 days pregnant onwards. So in theory she could have her puppies as early as next Wednesday. Then the hard work will start. It’s pretty exciting through.  I have obtained the picture and write up about what to expect from a dog who is 7weeks pregnant from the Royal Cain website.

I mentioned before that when my cupboards are full of food I hate people eating it.  I drive my son and boyfriend mad.  Today my boyfriend is driving me mad as he is eating it like there is no tomorrow.  I shop again in 2 weeks so when it’s gone it’s gone.  They will have to starve.  I think I get mad cause I do the shopping and have to make the shopping last.  Today we had steak for tea.  A money saving tip is we got the fillet steak from Aldi and it was really good and under £6.00per steak.  We usually pay at least £8 and you couldn’t really tell the difference.

Good night speak soon xxxxx

I’m at a point in my life

Daily diary- we have made a nursery



It’s been a busy day today. I went back to work. I was dreading it but it couldn’t have gone any better. Everyone was really pleased to see me back. No one had an issue with me being off and even the bitchiest woman there even seemed pleased to see me. I also got a hug off two people. All the worrying that I have done over the months have been for nothing. Overthinking and worrying waste energy and make you feel terrible. In future I am not going to overthink and worry so much. If you believe that you believe anything.

My back doesn’t feel great tonight. I could hardly move my leg, which is worrying. I will just have to grin and bare it until I see the specialist next week. I can then speak to him and see if this is normal and exactly what they did in the operation. I am concerned that the operation hasn’t worked. I don’t want to go through this again.

Tonight we have cleared out our junk room and made it into a puppy nursery. We need to get a new bed for lily and and a baby gate at the door so we can split lily and Bailey up if need be. Bailey has been a little monkey tonight. We have a cat door stop and he has chewed the ear off and keeps running off with it. I have ordered a Puggle one off amazon and will take a photo of it when it comes it’s so cute. The dogs are tired out now. Saying that so am I so I am off to bed.

Good night.

How am I going to cope?

59E4C040-8524-4BBA-AB11-751F5EA8DC1EI am back at work tomorrow ekkkkk. I think I have now resigned myself to this.  There is going to be no big lottery win.  I have to now jump back on the tread wheel with the masses.  My work is very stressful but there is more to life than work.  Being off so long has made me realise that the most important thing in my life is my family and spending time with them.  I am very fortunate for what I have.  I work to live I don’t live to work.

I have so much to look forward to including the birth of the puppies.  I am also hopeful,that I will build up my relationship with my daughter.  I don’t think we will do just use, but I think over time there is a possibility.  I actually feel very positive about the future,  I have a lovely boyfriend who cares very deeply about me and I believe we have a great future together.

I need to get  a routine back into my life and I hope the operation has worked.  I am not entirely sure as I still have a lot of pain in my right side.  If it hasn’t I will deal with it.  I was deeply affected by narcissistic abuse and I now have a great life and I will not let it affect m anymore,  I am very positive about the future.

I will tell you ho the first day goes tomorrow.  I hope my positive attitude continues.

Until tomorrow I will chill with my dogs


Never complain about your parents

No matter how big you are you will always be my little girl

55DB0285-AB9E-4A22-9D28-62099CAC9184Yesterday as I stated in my diary I was really apprehensive about seeing my daughter after so long and the troubled relationship we have had recently.  I have had a terrible few months but haven’t been able to put up with her previous behaviour.  So far she has been lovely like she used to be. We sat and watched tv together and took the dogs a walk.  I have told her today we will sort her bedroom out so it’s nice for when she comes to stay.

There is no talk of her moving back but I want her to feel happy and secure when she is here.  I am not going to give in and give her everything.  She is very money oriented and I am not a money machine.  We need a relationship that is based on love and respect and we need to build the respect up.

We still have another day to go, but I am going to be strong  and set the ground rules again.  Here’s to hoping.  I love my daugter very much and it feels amazing.

Daily diary – My baby is growing up


Hello. I have been training the dogs this week. I have managed to get Bailey to lie down, for a gravy bone in an afternoon.  I am amazed as he isn’t as daft as he looks and he can do what he is told, for a gravy bone that is.  I think this is the answer if I don’t win the lottery. I will become a dog whisperer.  I think the gold mining is out as my back isn’t up to it.  Being serious I only have 2 and a half weeks till I need to return to work.  I really don’t want to go back,


It’s been a fairly good day except we haven’t done much except watch Gold Rush and take the dogs a walk. It’s been relaxed and chilled. I have messaged may daughter a few times and we seem to be getting on ok, which is the best that we have been for the last 6 weeks.  It has lifted my spirits.  I think my Son has got a girlfriend.  He has been speaking to her all day on FaceTime.  He has now gone to a party with his two friends.  I feel a little on edge. He is my little boy.  I know he is growing up but not in my eyes.

Time passes too quickly. It wasn’t long before they were babies and now they are getting ready to make their own way in the world.  It’s important to cherish every moment with them.  Let them sit on your knee, enjoy reading them stories and watching childrens television with them as now they are like ships that pass in the night and they are enjoying life for themselves.

Right I am off it’s getting late and me and my boyfriend are having a disagreement as how to train dogs to lie down.  He is giving me his words of wisdom despite me doing the training, I said “who is it who has trained the dog to lie down? who? Me, now shut up and butt out”.  It’s all in good humour, but he is wrong and I am right as usual.

Daily diary- a grey and gloomy day today

Weather forecast gloomy

379ECF3D-D890-48CC-B7C1-8C8603334023hello it’s been a grey and gloomy day today. In more ways than one. The weather has been raining all day, which has on the plus side been good for the garden and it’s been crying out for water and it saves us a job of watering it. There is a hosepipe ban next week so any water is good news.

I am afraid my mood is quite gloomy today. I have had a massive run in with my Son. At the moment I feel like the worst parent alive. He has been at his Dads while on work experience and he has come back very anti me and full of anger and rage. It is so unlike him. I told him I wasn’t putting up with being spoken to like this and to earn some respect. I told him not to leave the house as he is grounded. He has gone out anyway and said he is going to his Dads. I have always had this issue when either of them have spent time at their Dads. I am convinced it’s his negativity about me.

Anyone who doesn’t know him would believe I am paranoid as he appears to be charming on the outside, all be it a bit of a dick. Even I sometimes wonder whether I am imagining it. I know I am not. I also think my son is trying it on as his sister is behaved appallingly with me. He thinks he will get away with it. I am sick of not being treated with respect and he will have to face the consequences of being grounded when he gets home.

On a plus side my daughter texted me and said she dreamt about me she said she dreamt that I had been shot and no one told her as she wasn’t living with me. She said she had been texting and ringing and I didn’t answer so she came to see me and I was dead. She said she had been booking a trip to New York for me and my son in her dream. She said she woke up crying. It really touched me and I texted her and said I loved her and asked if she wanted to stay here one night and she hasn’t texted me back.

I think I am feeling a bit hard done to and sorry for myself. I will pull myself together cause I have to. I would just like a few days when things are without problems. Then I feel selfish because a lot of people hhave a lot worse going on in their lives and I have so much to be grateful for.

my son how’s come home really sheepish. That’s one thing about my Son he soon realised he has been out of order and starts to toe the line, but it’s still upsetting when it happens.

Good night I will Speak to you tomorrow



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