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An over thinkers guide to life, Puggles, family and so much more

Overthinking is a nightmare. Due to a back operation I have too much time on my hands and too much time to think. This is how I deal with it and survive

Tag: Daughter

No more shit today please

I have been very quiet on here lately, but it’s not been quiet at home. My daughter came back a month ago.  After a fall out it’s her dad. She accused him of hitting her and I don’t doubt her one bit.  That’s what he does.  She was lovely for a while but the old traits have started to return.  I have also been having a battle with him about money.  He won’t give me any.  So been struggling this month.

It all come to a head on Thursday my daughter and her brother ended up fighting.  She had been particularly nasty and doesn’t have any qualms about calling me a fat bitch or a slag.  My son was sticking up for me which he does.  Anyway she ended up kicking me across the room.  I asked her dad to pick her up and he refused and he told me to call the police which I did.  The police man spoke to her and she was crying.  I told him I didn’t want to press charges and hoped the taking too had made her realise she can’t behave like that.  I know she has learnt her abusive behaviour from her dad, but she is 16  and it isn’t an excuse.  After then police man had gone she apologised, but didn’t mean it and carried on being the same.

Friday she was ok, she cleaned up and I thought maybe she it had sunk in,  yesterday she woke up in a bad mood.  Her dad had lied to her and said he didn’t tell he me to call the police.  It was a down right lie and some how she has believed it.  It frustrates me that no matter what happens her Dad is wonderful in her eyes and can’t do wrong.  He may hit her but she forgets it.  He is a horrible person and in a way I can understand this.  I lived with years of  abuse and he convinced me it was me who was wrong not him.  He messed with my mind and by the end of our relationship I didn’t know what what’s going on.  I needed years of therapy to live a normal life.  I have tried to help her.  Take her to the doctor but she says that there is nothing wrong with her.  I think she has learned his narcissistic ways and uses them on me. As that’s what he does.  It’s so sad but I am at a loss what to do.

She was plain nasty yesterday she got into another fight with her brother and because I didn’t stick up for her she called me a fat bitch and a slag.  I told her to go to her Dads and move off the settee she wouldn’t listen.  So we went out to a friends.  I decided I wouldn’t speak to her when I got back as I am sick of the abuse.  She tried to act like nothing had happened, but the name calling and abuse is too much to put up with.  She had fallen out with her dad too but by the end of it she told him what he wanted to hear and he transferred some money into her account. She told him she will live half and half at our houses.  So he doesn’t need to pay me anything.   I saw the text and I am furious as she knows how I struggle.  They are both stupid as my son lives with me and he is supposed to pay for him !!! I will save that battle for another day.  I am tired and sick of it all.

Today I am taking no shit off anyone.

You will find no better best friend than your mother.

It’s true I know my daughter better than anyone. I know why she shouts and screams but I don’t like it. Sometimes best friends needs time apart and can reconnect in future years

You can’t reason with a narcissist-

3AC6EE07-B96B-45C1-8AFC-EE6FD9CBB53AYou can’t reason or argue with a narcissist.  You have lost as soon as you open your mouth.  This is the realisation that I have discovered while I was lying in bed last night.  I had a million thoughts crashing through my head last night,  so many thoughts that I couldn’t think anymore.  This morning I have woken up calm and resigned to the situation.

Narcissists make you feel like you have something wrong with you.  They have a way of getting in to your brain and making you feel like you are mad and crazy.  Well you aren’t it’s them.  Ignore this and look at the situation rationally.  They are very clever.

Narcissists make you feel like every argument is your fault and that you caused the situation.  They are so convincing that you really make you believe them.  You replay every argument in your head and you start to see things differently.  Don’t listen as it isn’t you it’s them,  They are very good at manipulating situations.  Please again look at things rationally.  Replay the situation in your head.  I am a solicitor, not a family solicitor but when I was training at university we had a test called the reasonability test.  This doesn’t relate to family law, but law in general.  The test is “would a reasonable man believe the situation to be true”.  A lot of law is based around this,  I think you need to take yourself out of the situation and apply the reasonable man test.  By applying this test you will see that you didn’t start the argument or create the situation,   When I was with my ex partner.  When he used to hit me he always used to blame me for provoking him.  I usually ended up believing that it was my fault even though rationally, now I know that it isn’t true

Narcissists use their power to destroy you and destroy your self esteem. They put you down and jump on your insecurities to make you feel an inferior type of person.  They often have low self esteem themselves and they seem to enjoy to destroy someone else.  It gives them a sense of power.  If you look at it from the outside it’s them who is sad that they need to do this to someone else to feel better.  What type of person enjoys destroying someone else? The answer to this is a narcissist.

The sad thing about this blog is that it’s  my Daughter has turned into a narcissist.  If briefly touched on this yesterday in my diary post,  I also know that I have got to the situation where I can’t do anything to change how my daughter thinks.  I have thought a lot about this in the past but yesterday really confirmed this.  The words that came out of her mouth were typical of a narcissist. She said –

“I hate you, no one likes you.  Not even your friends”.

“You will end up alone, you Son will leave you too as you are a horrible person”.

“You are an embarrassment a complete mess”.

There were many more things she said but these 3 phrases made me feel rock bottom last night.  She jumped on my insecurities and made me feel like nothing,  I infact felt a fat terrible mess that I was worthless and alone.  My boyfriend said to me that night “I love you”.  I said “ why on earth would you love me? What the hell have I got to offer anyone”.

This morning I have woken up and realised I was not at fault.  I have always done my best for my family and my daughter and no matter what I do it will never be enough.  If I devoted my entire life to her, she would still want more.  She is a narcissist like her father and by her now living with him I have lost my beautiful daughter.

I left her Dad 14 years ago because I couldn’t put up with his narcissistic behaviour.  Unfortunately she has learnt this behaviour from him.  I feel guilt for this but ultimately it isn’t down to me.  I have tried my best to bring her up in a loving way and to be sensitive.  This is classed as weakness.  When she went yesterday she said “I can’t believe you cried when I went back to my Dads last time.  That is just pathetic”.  In reality it was cause I loved her and missed her, not pathetic.

So from now on I won’t explain myself to her.  I won’t justify why I do things.  I will just get on with life.  There will be no more arguments or tears. It’s very sad but I need to do this for my sanity,  if she decides that she wants a relationship I will let her in but be very cautious as narcissists are very clever. I hope she is just being a teenager and will grow out of it but only time will tell

Having a mini me

No matter how big you are you will always be my little girl

55DB0285-AB9E-4A22-9D28-62099CAC9184Yesterday as I stated in my diary I was really apprehensive about seeing my daughter after so long and the troubled relationship we have had recently.  I have had a terrible few months but haven’t been able to put up with her previous behaviour.  So far she has been lovely like she used to be. We sat and watched tv together and took the dogs a walk.  I have told her today we will sort her bedroom out so it’s nice for when she comes to stay.

There is no talk of her moving back but I want her to feel happy and secure when she is here.  I am not going to give in and give her everything.  She is very money oriented and I am not a money machine.  We need a relationship that is based on love and respect and we need to build the respect up.

We still have another day to go, but I am going to be strong  and set the ground rules again.  Here’s to hoping.  I love my daugter very much and it feels amazing.



Daily Diary -two soaking wet puggles

Hello,

It’s been my Dad’s birthday today so I have been out for dinner (that’s lunch for the  posher of you ) today with my Parents Sister and her Son.  Her Son is 3 weeks younger than my Daughter.  It wasn’t planned and more spookily my Son is 2 weeks older than her Daughter.  Again it wasn’t planned.  It’s great how it worked out we could swap clothes for the children when they were growing up and they are more like brothers and sisters than cousins.  They also go to the same schools and my Daughter and her Cousin were in the same class.  They all have the same friends also.  This is great until they fall out.  Anyway back to the meal.  It was nice to catch up.  We are a very close family and enjoy spending time together.

The best news of the day is that my Daughter texted my Dad and wished him happy birthday.  They haven’t spoken since me and may Daughter fell out and my Parents had washed their hands of her.  I did tell her to text her Grandad, although they don’t know that.  I think it has helped to build bridges.  I feel that relationships are improving with my Daughter and I hope it continues to improve.

I have been selling on eBay these last few weeks. It hasn’t been brilliant but it’s been steady.  My big problem is posting items as I hate it.  Even though the post office is 5 minutes walk away and I need to walk to improve my back.  I think it’s a mental thing.  Yes I hear you saying “you are mental” and you will be right ha ha.  There are new owners of the post office and they are so slow it’s making it even worse.  I decided if we went in the evening it would be quieter. So we walked down after tea (dinner to the posher of you). It was a lovely sunny summer night when we sent off.  The heavens opened and we go soaked.  Our clothes were stuck  to us and we had to peel them off us when we got back.  The dogs were like drowned rats.  It rain cleared up as soon as we walked through the door.  It was typical.  It was an excuse to get into our pj’s and relax in front of the tv.  To be fair though I didn’t get dressed until mid day.  I need to get up earlier as I will never want to go back to work.  I need a money making scheme fast.

Right, I am signing out for the day night xxxxx

Daughter never forget I love you

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