I hate my over thinking brain. Hate is a strong word, but I really do hate it. It gives me a great deal of stress and worry and often gives me sleepless nights. It has made me overthink about writing this post about overthinking.
My brain is always busy and working overtime. Sometimes I ask my boyfriend “what are you thinking about?”. He sometimes says “Nothing”. I say to him “you can’t think about nothing, you must be thinking of simething, as you think all the time”. That then causes me to overthink. I think, is he thinking about someone else and won’t tell me? Is he bored and won’t tell me? Is he unhappy and thinking about that? That causes me to worry and overthink more. It’s like a vicious circle and it never ends. I often wonder whether you can actually think about nothing and if so that would be amazing.
When I am not thinking about something to worry about I think of stupid things for example, I see an aeroplane flying overhead and I think, I wonder where they are going on the plane and can imagine people sitting on the plane getting excited about going on holiday. Or do penguins have knees? Is this healthy? Is it good to have an intuitive mind? I really don’t know the answer to those questions.
It must be very hard to have a relationship with an overthinker, as they have to deal with a barrage of questions all the time. My boyfriend has the patience of a saint. My issues aren’t just overthinking, they are also massive trust issues and almost definitely stem from my relationship with a narcissist.
I do not have any recollection as to when I started as an overthinker. I am not sure whether I have always been like this. I certainly don’t remember being like this in my teens or early 20’s. Maybe it started after living with a narcissist and almost certainly it made me feel worse after this. I think I am so worried in a relationship that I have upset my partner that I am on edge and worry that he will be mad at me for my actions. Being with a supportive partner has made me feel better but I have no way of controlling this.
It doesn’t just stop at me overthinking about relationships. I worry about money, my family and work. I am also lucky to have a supportive work family as they also know how to handle me and what is best to say. Is an overthinker good for an employer? Does is mean that they are conscientious? Or does it stop the employee from working to their best ability? Again I do not know the answer to these questions.
I think the only thing that you can do as an overthinker to control is this is to think rationally. Look at every situation and rationalise things in your brain. I don’t think that there is a cure and you need to realise that you are an overthinker accept this and get on with your life.