I lived with a narcissist for a number of years and although I moved out over 14 years ago this still effects me in so many ways. I didn’t realise that he was a narcissist when I lived with him but the more I read about it the more I realise that I was living with a narcissist.
The definition in the dictionary of a narcissist is an extremely self centred person who has an exaggerated sense of self importance.
I always believed that my ex partner was extremely cocky and loved himself. He enjoyed belittling me in public and I think it was his way of showing that he had power over me. I should have realised that he was from a narcissist family as his father was the same and his mother and she was spoken to like rubbish all the time. It was a massive warning flag but I was young, only 21 in fact and just wanted him to love me.
He often belittled me in a joking way, but it wasn’t a joke. At the end of my 13 year relationship he made me feel like I was nothing. He told me that all my friends hated me and said they often spoke about me behind my back. He also told me that I was mad and everyone told him this. He made me feel like I was lucky to be with him and that if I left I would be on my own for the rest of my life. He also made me feel alone and that he was the only person who would put up with me. He was also abusive to me both mentally and physically.
His cruel words were untrue. I finally built up the courage to leave him when my son was one years old. This was due to the fact that I found out he was seeing someone else. It was the best thing that could have happened. It made me deal with the abuse and start to lead a life on my own.
The problem that I have is that I have children with my ex and he still tries to control me some 14 years later. I will go further into this in a future blog. As a result of his control and narcissistic tendencies I have had to go to therapy which has helped me a lot and I am still taking antidepressants. A lot of my problems are due to the fact that my partner has made me feel like I am worthless, I am a bad mum, I am bad at my job and so it goes on. Maybe this is the reason for my mind analysing everything I do and my overthinking every situation. I have also been made to feel that I am a weak person and the reason why my children misbehave / have issues is down to me. When in reality a lot of their issues are down to their father. I also blame the fact that my daughter will not talk to me down to my ex partner.
I left my partner as I couldn’t put up with his behaviour and abuse but I am afraid to say that my daughter displays the same tendencies and I will go into this more in a future post. I have tried to make her realise that how she behaves is wrong, but as she has her father speaking in her ear telling her I am wrong, a bad mother, not a nice person, bad at my job and the list goes on. It’s a vicious circle and he has now regained his power that he wanted as my daughter is living with him. I hope my influence on her and the years I have brought my daughter up alone may have helped her but at the present time I believe that she is under his spell.
If anyone reading this is in a similar relationship please leave, please get out, please escape as things will never change. He won’t suddenly become the person you want him to be. Don’t listen to his cruel words. You aren’t useless, you aren’t worthless and you won’t be alone for the rest of your life. He is wrong, he is the weak person as what kind of person needs to belittle someone else to make them feel powerful and in control. He is the one with the problem not.
I am not a medical expert. I am a normal person who has experienced living with a narcissist and I know how you feel.
Please contact me if you want to talk. I am here and have been there. I am a lot stronger and I do not believe the nasty out downs anymore, I ignore the text messages, although I keep them if I ever need them in the future.