Its hard to describe the bond of a mother and son but I am going to try.  I love my daughter Exactly the same ans more than can imagine, but I have a different bond with my son.  Maybe it’s his kind and generous natures but it’s hard to let him grow up and spread his wings.

He once said to me when he was younger that he is going to let me live with him when he is older.  I asked him “what would his girlfriend think ? “  He said “she will think I am a very nice boy.”  That sticks in my mind.  He did add that I can pay half the bills though.

I have always struggled letting him grow up. I have always let my daughter do more and be more independent. for example go out later, maybe that’s cause she is sensible and I know she could handle herself if she got into trouble.  She has always been able to do anything around the house.  When she was old enough to come home after school when she went to high school and she could be given a key let herself in.  I was worried when I came home the first time but she has been baking and there was a Victoria sandwich waiting for me.  She had got the recipe from the Internet and asked a neighbour to put the cake in the oven and get it out.  How amazing is that.  On the other hand, I asked my sin the other day to put his clothes in the washer.  We have lived at this house for 8 years and he said “where is the washer? “

I feel the need to protect him I can’t stop myself when he is out with his friends checking where he is by telephoning him and checking he isn’t in trouble or doing anything stupid.  My boyfriend has to rein me in.  At the weekend I said to my boyfriend “ it’s getting late, I need to check where my son is? “. My boyfriend said “ it’s 9.00 pm leave him he is fine” .  He was right he rang me half an hour later to say he was on his way home with his mate.

My son is 6ft tall now and towers above me,  I look at him and see his facial hair starting to grow and his body developing and want to stop it,  I want him to be a little boy again,  As I was a single parent for most of my life he used to sleep in my room with me.  I didn’t make him it was out of choice. My daughter was so independent she liked her own space and would never have dreamed of coming in with me except when she was ill.  Now I struggle getting him even to hug me .  Although if I text him and tell him that I love him he always replies and tells me how much he loves me.  He  will always be my little boy even when he is married and has children and he will always have that special place in my heart.

As most of his mates are now out partying and drinking at weekend he isn’t like that but he did ask to go to a party in the holidays.  I know he is under age , but I was doing the same at his age.  I want my children to be honest with me and so they can always come to me if they are ever in danger without fear of being in trouble.  I reluctantly let him go and was on pins all night. Anyway he rang me as he had to get a taxi home on his own as his friend was staying at the party and I had to talk to him on the way home all the way because he was scared.  He said he didn’t have much to drink and spent most of the night looking after his drunk friends and cleaning up after them when he was sick.  I was so proud of him.

He is my little boy, always will be.  I remember when he was younger as the house was very female dominated we used to sit down and watch our favourite film the 3 of us,  “ how to lose a guy in 10 days”.  I believe that I haven’t made him soft, he will just be in touch with his feminine side and a caring a loving son, who loves animals and  I hope I have given him the best start in life I can.  Now  I know I need to step back and let him experience life as a young man.  I also know that I have a special place in his heart ane he will have a special place in my heart too and there is nothing more than I could ever want or would expect.