I have been updating my diary lately and mentioning the problems I have with my daughter.  It is helping me to write things down and share my experiences.  If it bores you I apologise.  Let me give you some background.

I split up with my partner of 13 years, 15 years ago.  He cheated on me  when my son was under 1.  That was the final straw as I have suffered years of metal and physical abuse.  It was the best thing that ever happened to me him cheating on me as it gave me the courage to get away from him and start a new life.  It was very hard as I was extremely embarrassed as I am an educated woman and have a very good job, yet I let some one ruin me like he did.  He left me feeling like a useless nobody and that I was a terrible mum.

It has taken me a long time to recover, and to be honest I don’t think I ever will recover.  I am still taking the antidepressants, although recently I have lowered the dose.  I have had therapy and the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy was very helpful.  It make me realise that I wasn’t a failure, I was a good mum and it helped me with my overthinking.  I don’t know if I have always been an over thinker, but I certainly have been for a number of years. Anyway my life has slowly been improving.  I met an old friend and we began dating and now he lives with me and he is the kindest nicest person anyone can meet.  It doesn’t stop me overthinking our relationship constantly.  I believe this is due to the years of abusive I have suffered at the hands of my ex partner.  I believe the mental cruelty is so much worse than the physical.  He used to tell me that none of my friends  liked me and everyone though I was mental.

That kind of cruelty gets embedded in your brain and it’s very difficult to change your way of thinking.  The reason I post the quotes on here as they all mean something to me and hopefully other victims of domestic violence,

For the last few months my daughter who is 16 has been behaving terribly. She seems to have taken on the behaviour from  her Dad.  It’s very difficult as I left her Dad as I wasn’t prepared to accept the behaviour, what do I do about my daughter?  The only thing I could do is send her to her Dads and hope she will realise everything I do for her and calm down.  Unfortunately this hasn’t worked as I am getting a number of abusive text messages every day, taking to me like I am rubbish and how much she hates me.  It’s like a vicious circle. Her Dad states that she behaves this way due to my failings.  I believe that a lot of her behaviour does come from her Dad, although I keep that thought to myself.  It makes me feel like a failure all over again.  The CBT is really helping me though that I had a number of years ago because I am putting it all into perspective.  I have to ignore the abuse and remember that I am a good mum and it isn’t my fault that she is behaving this way.  It doesn’t stop it from hurting though. It hurts a great deal and it is heartbreaking.  I think the only thing I can do is ignore the messages and not take it personally. She is hitting out as me as she isn’t getting her own way.

Thanks for allowing me to get my feelings onto paper and listening and if anyone has any helpful comments and advice I would be pleased to hear them.